3 Things You MUST Do To Break the People Pleasing Habit

I hosted an IG live last week addressing ways to stop people pleasing and to be more self-driven. As I was going through my 3 points, someone commented on the video and said “That habit runs deep,”.

I couldn’t agree more. The people pleasing habit stems from the innate need to be welcomed in to a tribe. I do believe that being a part of a tribe is definitely something that is healthy and can be productive, but some tribes, especially those who make you lose yourself, are the tribes you want to steer clear of.

The people pleasing habit also stems from a lack of acknowledgement. Like being in a tribe, acknowledgement is saying “I see you, you did great”. If you felt your achievements were unseen and no one said you did great, you’ll eventually stop doing what is right in your mind and do what others do cheer for.

In order to break the habit of looking for other people to validate you, replace people pleasing habits with these new routines:

Becoming aware of your urge to be accepted.

Again naturally everyone wants to be accepted, but understanding what moments make you feel rejected are vital to breaking this habit.To do this you have to pay attention to the moments you feel anxious, unsafe or alone. When does this feeling creep up? What are your thoughts at that moment? How can you replace that thought with one more uplifting? This new habit will cause you to be self aware of things that “trigger you” to look for safety in someone else’s opinions or validation.

Identify the root of why you trust someone else's word over yours.

Now you all may be saying, "I trust myself, Toni". Well I'm positive you trust yourself in some areas, but the urge to act as other people told you demonstrates the lack of trust in your own ideas. Determining what makes someone else more credible is very important for you to break this habit. Do you think this person is more credible because they've had more accomplishments in their life? Is it because of their age or their experience? Or do they give a matter-of-factly energy that makes you say, "Well maybe they're right,"? Once you get to the root of why you throw your ideas and wants out of the window replace that idea with one that separates you and the other person so you can take them for who they are--their perspective, experience and opinion--and also keep yours separate. This will allow you to bring your mindset to the table with authority.

Stop comparing yourself..PERIOD  

Stop comparing yourself to others and thinking that someone else is smarter, more charming or luckier than you. That automatically pushes you to question yourself and look at someone else's paths to get to where they are.
Oprah once said, "Don’t waste your time in the race looking back to see what the other guy is doing. It’s not about the other guy. It’s about what can you do. You just need to run that race as hard as you can. You need to give it everything you’ve got, all the time, for yourself.”

This illustrates the importance of trusting yourself even if you aren't in the same phase as your peers. As cliche as this sounds, your journey makes you. You can see things differently than anyone else..even folks that went down similar paths as you. You're the only one with your set of eyes and your mind to digest and create which makes you unique.

There are more ways to break the people pleasing habit to become more self-driven, but these three will help you lay the foundation for creating a healthier relationship with yourself in order to validate you.

Are Your Ready To Be Self-Driven?