Can expectations be ruining all of your relationships?
Last week I found myself disappointed in a loved one for not saying what I needed to hear when confiding in them. It’s not that their advice was bad, it just wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I was so bogged down about the conversation so I turned to my journal to write. That’s when I discovered that I had expectations for how I wanted that person to respond instead of taking the advice from them based off how they really felt. I knew that I wasn’t the only person being disappointed because of unmet expectations so I explored the topic of expectations.
In life we get so wrapped up in receiving, receiving receiving that when we are in relationships we look to what someone can give us as opposed to the pure pleasure of enjoying a new connection. We think of our own benefit when it comes to networking in professional settings, in intimate relationships and even social media. Here are three major ways expectations can be ruining your relationships and what you can do to change that habit and have lasting connections.
You give someone unspoken measurements to meet. A common theme seen in interactions with people in relationships (intimate, family or professional) is looking for someone to complete an action that we want them to without communicating it. Once they miss the target we get frustrated or upset. These types of expectations only lead to confusion and feeling controlled. To avoid giving people unspoken measurements to meet, communicate clearly what you would like to see done and from there come to a common agreement in your relationship. You’ll avoid the need to be passive aggressive and create a fair environment.
You take away the person’s individuality. When we have expectations for people we mostly are looking for people to move exactly the way we want them to move. This can make a relationship one sided and make you feel like your relationship is continuously failing. In your relationship step back and take the person for who they are. Instead of wanting things to go your way, realize your partner has their own perspective of life too. They are not an extension of you but an individual that agreed to be in a relationship with you. Ask them their wants and what will bring them peace and respect the person for who they are not who you want them to be.
You’re not allowing yourself room to grow. Oftentimes we want things to go our way because we want to protect ourselves from being hurt, getting let down or losing. But if we let go of our expectations we allow ourselves the chance to be vulnerable, to get out of our own ways and to heal. Be brave and let go of your need to be right or protected and go with trust. Not only will you create a healthy environment in your relationship with others, but a healthy relationship with self.